I really don't get it

How far must I go? I made it throughout the whole day, and at the end I just surrendered myself to this stupid addiction. Does anybody even hear me? I know this is just one of of thousand other blogs on ED but I need just one feedback, I need just one sign that I could pack this and move one. I feel like shit now, I am dissapointed. My soul is so empty, this numbness is killling me.
PAUSE
I heared a news..A girl died today. A girl I knew..From anorexia. WHat is this? Are these signs?  I guess they are. I have to get in control of my life of my body once again. THis is not happening. I am in control with my life, I am in control with my life, I am in control with my life, I am in control with my life, I am in control with my life, I am.
A perfect day