Never-ever

I'm going to be calm.
I'm not going to hurt you because I'm hurt.
My pain doesn't need to cause you any.
I'm sorry if it did.
Need to get myself together, need to be me, the alone me.
But don't want to loose you, never, ever.

Hello little wonder

Hello body. Hello you little curve growing bigger and scares the shit out of me. Such a shame, such wonderful period of peace thrown away. Hello self-hateress, hello self-destruction, I forgot you're still here inside of me. He cannot heal what's broken, he cannot take my pain away. He just makes me forget for a moment. It is me that has to change, not through him, not this way. I have to deal with this, I have to fight this. I feel these things inside of me. I feel that I am not clean. I cannot stand even music. What's happening??
I am running, running up that hill and I will make it. Time will make things better.
You don't know how I feel, how this things evolve from me, how they overcome me transform me, oh PJ, oh Lord. Shame shame shame.

I'm not depressed

I am just totally not interested..

I am in a bad phase. Maybe I am depressed..
I have to hear my thoughts. Why? To control them? Or just be aware of them? If I am aware of them do I control them? Or is that just the awareness of the fact that they control me?
I have an ego problem. I know. But who doesn't.
You will find me if you look in the garden...

So long

Recovery is long way home...

Sometime's you wanna know what's in the pipeline.
Hey. I just realized that my creativity cannot be back yet. I am still on the road to recovery. It is ok. I am fine now with it. I want to fight, I want to succeed and I will. I have everything at this moment. I want to make the best of it. I have love, what's most important. I have you Mu :)

LOve
LL

Glitch

How far ago was it since I last wrote anything? It has been a while. Things happen. NIce things, wonderful things..still the shit that bothers me the most doesn't go away.
I am definitely transforming. This is getting smth. I am becoming more Leila than I've ever been. The time of the A in me has come. Let the S rest for a bit.
I found love I guess. I am being loved and worshipped, and that's what matters.

Failed

The last days have been hard. I failed again after a series of good days. What is happening? Can I beat this? Can I beat myself?

The wonderful road of recovery

Thank You, Lord!